Parenting can feel like time stands still in the moment, but looking back, the time between infancy and high school graduation feels like a flash. So many tiny moments of epiphany and growth that feel unforgettable at the time, somehow get lost in the noise of life.
A growth journal can be a powerful and gratifying – yet surprisingly unoppressive way for families to capture tiny moments of progress in a child’s growth and development over the course of their entire childhood.
Unlike video recording, journaling is done privately and without fanfare in the moment—protecting the authenticity and intimacy of what was observed. It is also a practice that can be done on one’s own terms. Parents can do this activity alone, or they can invite their kids participate as well.
How to get started
Whether a parent wants to create a growth journal to work on alone, or invite their children to adopt this as a shared project, here’s a simple way to get started:
- Dream together. This practice begins with parent(s) and child sitting together to dream about the kind of person they hope the child will become. “My hope for you is that I/you will be…”
- Name the hopes. The descriptions need to be general enough not to depend on a specific career track, job, or role in life. Instead, they should be things like: generous, wise, a great problem solver, focused, rested, loving, faithful, good at [singing, math, etc.], confident, or happy.
- Pick the best ones. Once the list is made, the child can pick their favorite top 7-10 things on the list. This list becomes the 7-10 sections in the Growth Journal.
- Make the journal. Divide a notebook into the 7-10 sections and label each section one of the descriptors that the child selected. This can be for the parent only, or one can also be made for the child. Each journal should be for only one child. This can be a powerful gift to give them when they finally leave home to live on their own.
- Keep the journal handy. Whenever the keeper of the journal sees or experiences the child demonstrating one of these traits, write down the date and exactly what was observed or experienced: “Today you were so brave. This is what happened… I remember when you would have been too afraid to respond that way. I’m so proud of how you’re growing in your courage.” If the child is keeping a journal to help them notice when they exhibited or experienced a milestone in one of the things on the journal list, they can do the same kind of entry, only it will be in first person (Today I was kind to my sister, and that’s a big deal, because she really made me mad. I told her I was mad, but I didn’t get into a fight. Normally I would have reacted differently. I think I’m getting better at being kind even when it’s hard.)
- Check in. There is no hard-fast rule of the frequency of check-ins, but they should be frequent enough to keep the parent vigilant in keeping their eyes open for these tiny victories. This will not only help their kid(s) become more mindful of their growth, but it will also make them more aware of the progress that may otherwise go unnoticed. Two cases may warrant a more intentional check-in frequency. First, if a parent knows their child is struggling with feeling stuck, they may find that frequent check-ins to share the moments they caught their child making decisions that show progress a very encouraging practice. Second, if the child is attempting to keep track of their own growth and is struggling to notice anything, the parent can coach them in self-awareness by sharing with their child any entry they made in the journal at the end of that particular day. Waiting until the day’s end will give the child enough quiet to process and give the parent time to really think about how to share the observation in an encouraging way.
The key to curating an effective growth journal is to keep it close enough to remember to capture the hundreds of tiny moments of progress in a child’s development. If done consistently, a growth journal can be an incredibly helpful tool to pull out and read when a child is feeling discouraged, and potentially an heirloom of love and affirmation long after the child has transitioned into adulthood.
About TLC
The Lincoln Center for Family and Youth (TLC) is a social enterprise company serving the Greater Philadelphia Area. Among its five divisions, TLC offers School-based Staffing Solutions, Mobile Coaching and Counseling, and Heather’s Hope: A Center for Victims of Crime. These major programs are united under TLC’s mission to promote positive choices and cultivate meaningful connections through education, counseling, coaching, and consulting.
About the Author
MaryJo Burchard, Ph.D., is the Chief Learning Officer at TLC. She leads staff, program development and implementation at TLC Education Institute, which curates learning experiences that can help students, educators, parents, public servants, and other leaders and teams in the community to build deeper connections and gradually make choices that help others to thrive.