This recent viral video captures the moment a little girl suddenly realizes and unpacks her awareness of an unexpected but natural change: the falling of autumn leaves. The gentle exchange between this child and her father highlights three crucial elements essential for anyone navigating through major change in their personal or professional life:
- awareness of the change,
- awareness of its impact, and
- awareness of what can be done.
Together, these three forms of awareness can help us to respond effectively to major change—even when it’s not expected. Let’s explore each one, and how to cultivate it.
1.) Tuning In to the Early Signs of Change
Awareness of a major transition in life rarely happens all at once. Instead, tiny subtleties emerge, like the reds and yellows that begin to speckle leaves in the fall until one day, no green remains. People begin to realize that a once constant element in their life is now shifting, allowing them to gauge the extent and effects of this transition. Think of it this way:
- Before, I/we thought… but now I/we think….
- Before, I/we had… but now I/we have….
- Before, I/we did… but now, I/we do….
2.) Grasping the Impact: Change Affects Everyone Differently
Understanding how a change affects us reveals the reasons behind our thoughts and emotions. We all process change uniquely, and recognizing why a shift is significant to us is essential. Consider:
- Before, I knew exactly what my previous manager/teacher expected of me, but now, I am unsure what the new manager/teacher expects, and I don’t yet feel free to ask. I have lost clarity. Clarity gives me confidence in my work (value), so this change is making me feel anxious, frustrated, and confused (impact). I am working much more slowly now (impact) because I now over-analyze everything I do (impact).
- Before, each family member had consistent and predictable roles and responsibilities, but now every responsibility needs to be replanned and redistributed. Our family lost its sense of consistency. Consistency stabilizes our family’s daily life (value), so even if it is temporary, this change is contributing to a sense of chaos (impact), relational friction (impact), and insecurity in my kids (impact).
3.) Formulating a Response: Distinguishing Between Control and Acceptance
When we’re clear about the impact of change, it’s important to discern actions we can take that fall within our control from those that are beyond it. By focusing on actionable items, we can release concerns that are genuinely uncontrollable. For instance:
- I can control whether I ask my manager/teacher to clarify what they want from me in any assignment. I cannot control how my new manager/teacher responds, or how different their expectations will be from previous managers/teachers.
- I cannot control the fact that our family is facing this change, but I can control how much I listen, how quickly I collaborate to re-establish each member’s contribution, and how consistently I help my kids adapt. I cannot control that the adjustment will be hard, or that we all grieve in different ways.
Keep in mind that major changes often occur simply because it’s time—life naturally unfolds in seasons, and seasons run their course. Since the timing can be unexpected, we may need help recognizing that no one is at fault when a season has come to an end. In the video, the little girl’s feelings of loss for the falling leaves quickly evolved into an overwhelming sense of guilt that she had somehow failed the leaves because she could not stop what would happen to them. Her father’s comforting words remind us all, “No, it’s not your fault. It’s called nature.” Embracing natural transitions requires us to assess our assumptions and acknowledge our limitations, focusing on actions that are presently within our control.
While growth is a celebrated part of life’s journey, each transition is also tinged with loss. Recognizing and respecting these shifts, both in ourselves and others, fosters connectivity, stability, and engagement through every phase of our journey.
About TLC
The Lincoln Center for Family and Youth (TLC) is a social enterprise company serving the Greater Philadelphia Area. Among its five divisions, TLC offers School-based Staffing Solutions, Mobile Coaching and Counseling, and Heather’s Hope: A Center for Victims of Crime. These major programs are united under TLC’s mission to promote positive choices and cultivate meaningful connections through education, counseling, coaching, and consulting.
About the Author
MaryJo Burchard (Ph.D. in Organizational Leadership) is co-founder and principal of Concord Solutions, a Virginia-based consultancy firm focused on helping leaders and organizations thrive while facing major disruption. Concord Solutions offers consulting, coaching, training, research, and keynote speaking surrounding trauma-informed leadership and assessing and building change readiness, trust, and belonging.