The Gravity of Love: Reflecting on What Drives Our Decisions

Family laughs and enjoys watching a movie on the couch

Have you ever stopped to consider how the things and people that you love influence the decision you make? Speaker and writer Myles Munroe once shared a profound insight, saying, “Our life is the sum total of all the decisions we make every day, and those decisions are determined by our priorities.” But there’s a twist: the people and things we have a deep interest in and affection for, exert powerful influence on our choices. It’s a kind of gravitational pull that can lead us in directions we hadn’t consciously planned.

Here’s the catch: not being aware of who or what is motivating our decisions, doesn’t shield us from the consequences of having made them. So, how do we navigate this complex interplay and become more aware of the people and things influencing our lives? The answer lies in taking a closer look at what, and who, we love—encompassing everything from your favorite hobbies to your cherished family members, from your deeply held beliefs to the causes you’re passionate about.

Below are some prompts to guide you through an introspective process. With each question, write down who or what immediately comes to mind without effort or analysis.

Personal Well Being

  • Who makes me feel happy and content just to be with them?
  • What activity is a fulfilling joy? 
  • When time flies and is always too short, who am I with? What am I doing?

Support System: 

  • Who can I count on during both good and tough times? 
  • Who can tell when there is something wrong – and comes alongside me?

Values:

  • What habit, activity, or hobby am I ‘famous’ for? 
  • What do I wish I could do more that embodies what is most important to me?
  • Who most deeply shares my values and beliefs? 

Reciprocity: 

  • Who tries as hard as I do to build and support our relationship?
  • Who calls/texts me back?
  • Who makes me feel as welcome, valued, and wanted?

Growth and Development: 

  • Who inspires and encourages me to try new or unfamiliar things?
  • What (skill, hobby, sport, instrument, etc.) do I most want to master? 
  • Who celebrates when I am getting stronger or better at something? 

Positive Influence:

  • Who positively influences the way I think, talk, and treat people? 
  • Who motivates me to be a better version of myself? 

Money:

  • How do I spend any spare money I have? 
  • How would I most enjoy “wasting money”?
  • What is (or has been) worth saving up for?

Time and Energy Investment: 

  • Where do I invest my best time and energy? What’s the pay-off for this investment?
  • Which connections and pursuits consistently take priority in my life? 

Long-Term Impact: 

  • Reflecting on the past, who has had lasting positive impact on me? 
  • What behavior, skill, or activity pursuit has had a lasting positive impact on me?

Prioritization: 

  • If my spare time and money were cut in half, which people and activities would I prioritize? 
  • Who and what would I choose to focus on if I had to simplify my life?

What Your Loves Reveal About You

Exploring these questions can help to clarify the people and aspects of your life that hold the most significance, providing a window into your heart and how it’s guiding you. As you answered these, did anyone or anything keep floating to the surface? Do any loves you’ve identified fill you with gratitude? Do any serve as a warning, prompting you to reconsider their place in your life?

Shaping a Life of Intention and Fulfillment

The insights you gain from this process can be transformative— guiding future decisions, strengthening meaningful connections, and contributing to a more intentional, fulfilling, and purposeful life. By understanding the loves that drive you, you can navigate life’s complexities with greater purpose and clarity.


About TLC

The Lincoln Center for Family and Youth (TLC) is a social enterprise company serving the Greater Philadelphia Area. Among its five divisions, TLC offers School-based Staffing Solutions, Mobile Coaching and Counseling, and Heather’s Hope: A Center for Victims of Crime. These major programs are united under TLC’s mission to promote positive choices and cultivate meaningful connections through education, counseling, coaching, and consulting.

About the Author

MaryJo Burchard (Ph.D. in Organizational Leadership) is co-founder and principal of Concord Solutions, a Virginia-based consultancy firm focused on helping leaders and organizations thrive while facing major disruption. Concord Solutions offers consulting, coaching, training, research, and keynote speaking surrounding trauma-informed leadership and assessing and building change readiness, trust, and belonging.